I’ve lost my journal. Turns out that could be a blessing for my blog. Unfortunately for some, that means more transparency while I write. Buckle up.

I have been thinking about yielding lately. Just like in traffic, but in my life. It seems like I am always on a crash course, just waiting to collide with whatever I need to in order to try to make myself feel better. Usually it’s my kids or my husband. Most of the time it has to do with some kind of poutiness towards God. Is “poutiness” a word? I sure try to make it one if it is not. The deal is, God just doesn’t seem to act like I want him to, or give me what I think I need for the moment. . . . .

Pumping my last remaining amounts of breast milk (I have honest to goodness supply problems which causes a huge amount of stress with a newborn) has given me the opportunity to sit down with God for a while each day. It’s been my first consistent quiet time for a long, long time. He’s brought to me this idea of yielding and it feels like a light bulb has been turned on in my spiritual life. If you have those, don’t you LOVE those times?

I’ve struggled with recognizing God through out my day. I’ve just felt guilty about it. Every time I get too frustrated with the kids, with Josh, actually. . . . with anyone or anything, I know I am not living with the fruits of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). Since having children, there are rarely any moments that I can call fresh “patience” or “kindness,” and it is hard for me to have “gentleness” come in moments of quietness or peacefulness that doesn’t usually have to do with Sesame Street, Thomas or Handy Manny being on the TV.

Then comes the thought of Yielding. Yielding to the Spirit of God to be exact. It has been a welcomed thought to realize that I don’t have to collide with the oncoming traffic coming my way in the form of a screaming child at the meal table, a temper tantrum about going potty, the lack of meals on the table or piled up laundry baskets.

I want to learn to yield more to Jesus. When those moments come, I want to learn to put my mental and emotional breaks on, or at least tap the breaks a little bit, in order to allow God’s peace to come into the moment. All I need is an ounce of His clarity in order to not collide with the speeding bullet train coming my way sometimes.

The crazy thing is, I cannot even create the awareness of this traffic on my own. I need God’s help to even open my eyes to how fast the traffic is coming, let alone have the ability to put my foot on the break to slow down. But that’s the beauty of his Grace. No matter how guilty I want to feel for failing all the time, He still wants to do those things for me. Even though it will probably happen more slowly than I’d like, I trust that He is going to teach me how to yield to Him a little more every day.

Oh Lord, help bring my view to yours. Help me see myself and my circumstances and other people from your viewpoint before I collide with them. Only you can give me that wisdom and vantage point.

Psalm 116: 7 “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

Colossians 4:2 “Devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful.”

Galatians 5:19-20 “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”

Galatians 5: 22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. . . “


2 Responses

  1. Good stuff, Jess. Thanks for sharing your heart. I really hear you, and I feel it too. I’m just praying for my own “light bulb” moment because I can’t say that I’ve had one in a long time…

  2. Amen and amen! Jess – thanks for sharing your heart! I love how the Lord speaks to His people! I love you! Keep looking to HIS face! He will guide you and renew you.

    Love you!

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