“We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she’s known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. “

“We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don’t get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won’t solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we’re called home.”

Josh and I have been reminded of the organization “To Write Love on Her Arms.” This is an excerpt from the story that started the movement to present hope and find help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

I am inspired and challenged.

This is a long post. So I’ve put in a couple pictures to liven it up. There’s a reward at the bottom for those of you who make it there.

Here’s a pic to start you off. If you don’t know already, “Jadon Rocks!” It’s gone to his head. He walks around sometimes saying, “I rock!”

Thank you so much for everyone who has sent a caring message in the past few days. I am going to try to attempt to explain a little more.

Hallmark announced Tuesday that they will be laying off 6-8% of it’s workers. It was a surprise in the way that Hallmark takes laying off it’s employees very seriously, but not a surprise because of the way the economy is going. They may have already started to lay people off, but we won’t know for sure who is laid off until several weeks, maybe even months have passed.

When we were leaving Atlanta and Josh’s job at Lockheed Martin, I said a couple times that it felt a little crazy that we were leaving a job with solid government contracts for airplanes to work for a retail company that relies on Americans’ holiday spending. But, we decided it was worth it to move closer to family and get Josh into a job that was fulfilling, challenging and exciting to him. We have not regretted the decision. It is incredibly wonderful to be near family and Josh has found his job to be every thing and more than what he dreamed it would be.

When we left Atlanta in October we left with only what we could fit into our pretty small Honda CRV. Our home was left with all of it’s furnishings and most of our comforts with the hope that it would sell better. In October and November the economy made it’s sharpest declines and it became increasingly obvious that we were going to have to take an extreme loss on our home in order to sell it. We said several times in those months that if it wasn’t for Josh’s love of his job, we would move back to Atlanta in a heartbeat. We got a contract, but we did loose a significant amount of money on our sale in December. Side note, we absolutely loved our home. If we had stayed in Atlanta we would have been happy in it for many, many years. But instead we were living in my parents basement and were looking forward to getting our furnishings from our home before our baby was born. At that time our brother-in-law began working on my sister’s unfinished basement in order for us to move into it.

In December, we closed on our home with a loan we had to take out because of our transfer. We moved our stuff to two places. Half went to my parents’ basement and the other half to my sister’s where we’ve been living ever since (see previous post). Our plan was to allow our finances to recover somewhat for 6 months, then move around Hallmark downtown to start our lives here. We’ve been planning on finding a church and a community to serve and live in this summer. We’ve been on two house hunting trips, researched schools, found doctors, applied to preschool programs all in the area we were planning to move.

So, on Tuesday it came as a blow (as I am sure it did to all Hallmark employees) that Josh may loose his job. We feel pretty unsecure because Josh is definitely the last 6-8% to be hired, which we are sure puts him at the top of the list of who to consider to lay off. There are reasons to be hopeful, but certainly reasons to be worried too.

On Wednesday I was pretty down. I think the first year after a move across country always is. When you move you loose all of your “normals” and nothing is comforting. The grocery store is different, the weather is surprising, you get lost all the time, everything is just different. Suddenly friends you only saw once a month or got go on walks with are the only people you want to see in moments of homesickness. When we heard of Hallmark’s layoffs, all I could think of was the home, friends, church and the beauty of Georgia that we left behind.

I do know that if we were still there, I would be incredibly sad that my family wouldn’t have been there for Eliza’s birth, I would miss dearly the deep talks I have with my sister after the kids go to bed, I would miss the way my son anticipates time with his grandparents and cousins he now knows.  But in either decision there are pluses and minuses, ups and downs, things to rejoice in and things to mourn.

Thank you for your prayers. In many, many ways our situation is not that bad. We are blessed with family, health, a roof over our heads, safety, many things that America has recently found we all take for granted. More than prayers that Josh would keep his job, I ask for prayers that we would continue to find contentment. Realizing peace in a situation we don’t want to be in while God being glorified in our hearts is actually the only thing we truly want. Knowing our God in moments of crisis is the only thing we actually need. The world could continue to fall apart, but as long as God continues to reveal himself to us, we will be fulfilled.

Josh would like to keep his job in order for his family to be provided for and in order to continue to do a job he has found that he absolutely LOVES. I would like him to keep his job so my husband continues to be fulfilled and challenged during the day and so that my family can have a space to live and thrive in.

If you are still reading this incredibly long post I thank you for loving us. Thank you for walking beside us by listening, commenting and praying. We are so thankful for everyone we’ve been blessed to live life with. We’ll keep you updated.

Here are the pictures I promised:

About 2 months ago we had our friends over for dinner. If you don’t remember them, check out the end of this post. We met Tony and Sarah in birthing class and discovered we both had sons, 3 months apart from Guatemala. The girls ended up being born 4 days apart (and the day we left the hospital they were randomly put in the same room that we were!) When we got the girls together outside of mine and Sarah’s stomachs, here’s what happened:

We placed our new cuties next to each other on the couch.

We snapped a decent picture.

Then, things quickly made a turn for the worst.

And in the time it took for me to snap 4 pictures while laughing at 2 poor 3 week olds, disaster struck.

Will they ever trust us again?

When I student taught and worked for Young Life at East High School I knew these two great kids, Sara and Aaron. I first met Aaron as a freshman in my boy’s choir and Sara I knew through many girls who came to Young Life. They both have great stories and it’s really wonderful to me that they fell in love and got married. They have tremendous faith in Jesus and are incredible people.

A few weeks ago Sara gave birth to her second child, a little girl named Hope. She’s in very critical condition and just had serious heart surgery. I could try to explain what they are are dealing with but I’ll just give you their website so you can read for yourself. Please, please pray for this sweet family. If you decide to donate to help them with their medical expenses I can vouch for them that they are very trustworthy and faithful parents who would be extremely grateful for your generosity.

Here’s their site.

http://www.hopemaus.com/

Please join me in prayer for this sweet family.

“He is your constant source of stability. He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom. He does all this for those who fear Him.” New English Translation

I haven’t shared my heart lately. Well, since moving to Kansas really. I haven’t shared my heart because of my lack of stability. My feet feel like they haven’t stood on solid enough ground long enough to type out where my heart is, long enough for me to think about it honestly.

You know how they don’t recommend doing more than one major life change in one year. Things like moving, starting a new job, having a baby, etc. . . we decided to do all three of those in the past 4 months! Add on top of that the economy which caused more ciaos in selling our home, moving in with family- twice. Now we are in my sister’s basement with a toddler and a new born. Not where I pictured myself at 32.

Last week I read on Bekah’s blog the verse that God led her to find peace and stability in her own life. It hit me hard, in a good spot, in my heart. I don’t think I’ve allowed God to hit me in the heart like that since we decided to move from Atlanta.

I’ve been trying to reflect on the verse. God is good. He’s telling me that He is the only place I’ll ever find stability. Every other place I look is shifting, moving, always changing. If I don’t find stability in Him I will always be living for a few months from now, the next big thing (like a baby or a house), our next major life change (whatever else there is!).

The place I am at right now is easy to check out from. I want to just survive from one feeding to the next, from one pile of laundry to the next pile of toys, from one decent day to walk outside to the next snow day. When I do that, I barely find any joy in anything. I struggle with wanting to love the people in my daily life, let alone loving and serving the rest of the world. God is calling me to something deeper. You’d think He would have asked me to be present when we were in our beautiful house, when the weather was usually warm, when we were settled in a church home with people we were growing with. I am sure he was asking me to be more present then, but now I am ready to be challenged. I am ready to be humbled (hopefully ready to be humbled enough). I am ready to allow Him to be my stability.

Praise the King!

I value learning from different people’s perspectives. Sometimes I’ve been weighed down by people out to prove that adoption isn’t the answer to the evil of poverty.

I don’t think it’s the only answer. But, God fills me up with the truth that it is one incredible, amazing answer that he has established.

Here’s how He’s done that recently.

Click here to follow the Alexanders journey to pick up Abe.

Absolutely beautiful, on so many levels.

As Emily Alexander’s sister said on, “A Long Way from the Theta House,”

In the country of Ethiopia, there are an estimated 4.5 million orphans.

Today, there is one less.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Indeed, Soli Deo Gloria, “For the Glory of God Alone” Sometimes we have to take this one kid at a time.

If you ever wonder what we do on Sunday mornings (which I am sure you have. . . )

Here you go:

(this is quite an odd picture of us on the left. josh is knocking jadon off of his shoulders and I am looking up in a weird way) When you’re surrounded by people who work with kids, they make you do funny things.

It’s called UpStreet and there’s a post on our church’s blog about it.

I (jessica) help lead music and Josh does the production booth in the back (this fall he’ll be running the show as a producer!) Jadon hangs out during practice and eats a bagel. Then he heads to Waumba Land for 2 services.

I found this post this morning about Maria Sue Chunxi Chapman’s memorial service. Sounds like it was beautiful. The most astounding thing I read is that Caleb, the Chapman’s oldest son, said he’s never been more convinced that Jesus is real.

Thank you Jesus, for holding this hurting family in your arms.

I’d like to ask the adoption community who read our blog to pray for Maria’s family in China. They will probably never know this tragedy has happened, but I can only imagine that the woman who gave birth to Maria has a special, God given connection to this little girl and has instincts something has gone wrong.

Please Lord, love on her in China.

The pain of this world is just to heavy sometimes. I am burdened and broken for people around me hurting and suffering. There is adoption loss, infertility, human rights violations against birthmothers in Guatemala, cancer, pregnancy loss, car accidents, death of beloved children, the slow loss of beautiful babies, on top of the situations in Myanmar and China, I just can’t separate myself from it all.

My amazing sister-in-law, Rebekah and I were talking yesterday about how much we are physically able carry around with us. We came to the conclusion that we feel God wants us to be burdened with these things so we can pray and leave them at Jesus’s feet. We are called to carry eachother’s burdens, but also called to be on our knees and leave it at the cross.

On “HoodMamaMel’s” blog yesterday she posted these words,

Christian, what is your only comfort, in life and in death?

That I belong – body and soul, in life and in death – not to myself, but to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ, who at the cost of His own blood has fully paid for all my sins and has completely freed me from the dominion of the devil; that He protects me so well that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, that everything must fit His purpose for my salvation. Therefore, by His Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him.

God never promises that the hair will not fall from our head. He knows it will fall. He doesn’t promise us safety and security. He promises to be with us when it happens and that he will use our fallen hair and our horrible tragedies for his purpose, his glory and our salvation.

I am not going to live this life trying to gain the things that look perfect in this world, then spend my life trying to hang on to them as if life itself is dependent on me staying happy. It doesn’t happen. It cannot happen. True joy in life is found when God is glorified, when we get to watch him salvage and redeem the broken pieces pain leaves behind. I want to choose to walk though pain and suffering so that I can also find the joy of God’s redemption.

Now I am trying to lay these burdens at his feet.

I’ll end by adding pictures of three women who’s conversations blessed me deeply as I tried to process all of this.

Rebekah, my sister-in-law

Julie, my sister

My good friend Jami

God has been so good to me to give me women to help me process many of life’s ups and downs with. (there are several more of you, and you know who you are!!) I am truly one blessed woman. I’d rather have a painful life with a few friends like you, than live a “perfect” life where everything seems “good” but everything is also empty and lonely in the deepest parts.

And for those of you who are struggling with the question of what to put your faith in when things get tough, our church just finished an INCREDIBLE series called “Faith, Hope and Luck.” I HIGHLY recommend watching on line.

-jessica

We don’t know about you, but we’ve been beside ourselves with what is going on in Myanmar. It is devestating. What is currently heartbreaking to us is that the U.S. news reports that THOUSANDS are dying because of the Myanmar’s government’s refusal to help it’s people, but the news sifts to Jeanna Bush’s wedding within 30 seconds. We’ve been convicted that our hearts and minds easily move from one thing to another just as quickly just as our news does. It is easy to shift because we feel powerless, and uncomfortable, unable to help.

Our family has not helped this week because of the aid that is lined up at the boarders, not allowed to go in to the country. If aid can’t get in, what good does it do for us to donate?

But yesterday and today we’ve heard of 2 relief organizations that have spent years earning their place in the country and are being allowed to help right now. (a big example of “earning the right to be heard?!?!”)

So please, if you’ve felt a tug to help the people there who the Myanmar government are neglecting, here are two relief organizations who are being Jesus’s hands and feet to people and children who would die without their help. Please donate and get the word out. Let’s not allow children to continue dying from our indifference.

and

Save the Children

If you find other organizations who are allowed in the country, spread the word.

When you donate, please leave a message so it will encourage others to do so too.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

We’ve had several people in town for the Orange 2008 Conference. The Orange Conference is a part of The reThink Group. The ReThink Group is encouraging churches to rethink the way they do family ministry. Most churches in the U.S. minister to children and parents separately. That is being challenged. The conference is truely an amazing, incredible, life changing and church changing experience.

Since some friends of ours from Kansas City and Texas came here for the conference we took the oportunity host and spend time with the church leaders.

Lives were changed. Churches will change. Families will be transformed.

So, in 3 days after hosting 4 people at our house, 2 people at our neighbor’s house, 4 people organized at homes of our friends around town, 3 breakfasts at 7am for 6 people, 1 dinner for 14 people, 2 drives to the airport, 3 LATE night conversations about what matters most in life, 1 dinner out with our Texas friends, we are seeing orange in our much-needed sleep.

I can’t think of anything more worth it.

People were impacted

Churches are reThinking

Children, students and families will be changed

GOD IS GLORIFIED

Thank you to the Allvines, Brannons, Jacksons & Reents families for hosting.

My favorite quote on the Orange site is this,

“100 years from now

the only thing that will matter in someone’s life

is their relationship with God.”