Just to try to keep up my desire to blog for real, I am going to post about my decision and feelings about our flu shots.

I have had several people ask me if we were getting the shots and why. So, I thought I’d write them down. But I want people to know I think this is a personal decision and I completely respect everyone’s direction they go with for themselves and their families.

The kids and I all got our H1N1 shots last week. I couldn’t drive fast enough, in sleet, to get to the place I heard was offering them in KC. I decided to get them for the following reasons:

1. For the selfish reason that I don’t want to freak out every time I forget to wash the kids hands before they eat or play with a friend who has a fever an hour after our play date. I can drive myself crazy before the holidays or during an outbreak with stuff like that.

2. As a pregnant person with other health concerns I didn’t want to put myself and the baby at an unneeded risk, plus I’ve heard that it can help the baby’s immune system too and since I probably can’t breastfeed, I want to give it the best immune system that I can. Although people have been fearful that this shot was manufactured fast, I haven’t heard any reason this flu shot is any more dangerous than the yearly shot. But most importantly, I learned while trying to get pregnant and then going through my pregnancy with Eliza while on arthritis medication, that you have to weigh the risks vs. benefits sometimes and then just go with the decision and not feel guilty about the “what ifs.”

3. I think we have the most effective vaccination system the world has ever known and our generation has never lived through a “plague” or dealt with anything close to polio or wide spread measles so we’ve lost touch with how devastating that could be. Our kids don’t even have to get the chicken pox any more. It’s easy with all of our conveniences and up to date medicine to get out of touch with the reality that for every shot my child takes, thousands, if not millions of children have died from that disease before.

Now, this is NOT to get into the debate about autism or vacinations related to that argument. I have strong emotions for many people involved in that debate and I do not want to touch on that on our blog.

I just have had several people ask me if we were getting the shots and why. So, I thought I’d write them down.

**For the record, that is the LAST time I am going to be able to fool Jadon into getting a shot by simply not saying the word “shot” until his pants start coming down. My boy WILL NOT be fooled again. But a sucker bribe, that may still at least soothe the wounds.**

What have you decided?

I have high hopes I’ll be a blogger again. Here’s my first attempt.

For now, I’ll try to share some pictures from our vacation that we just returned from. Only a few have been downloaded. But I’ll try to tell the story with what I have.

We began our extended week by driving to Nashville to do Halloween with Aunt Bekah and Uncle Jeff.

Here’s our little Handy Manny and cutie-patootie flower. I love this picture!

Then we drove through the Smoky Mountains to Glenville, NC to stay at an amazing lake house in the Nanahalah National Forest. The home belonged to the generous family I used to nanny for in Atlanta. Here’s the view from the back porch.

It was INCREDIBLE!!

Okay, side note. I am realizing that the photos Josh has downloaded are ones he took on his iphone. So, bad news is, we are missing most of the pictures we took with each other and with other people. Good news is, the downloading onto the blog is going really fast and I may get this post done before nap time is over!

After 3 days in the mountains, we drove to Atlanta for four CRAZY BUSY days of visiting the people we long to still be living life with. Most of the Atlanta pictures were taken with our camera so I’ll share them later (cross my fingers). For now, I’ll share the pictures Josh took on his phone in order to tweet them. Mostly, they are of the restaurants we have been hungering for a year now.

Here’s an artsy one of Eliza at a Buckhead breakfast stop:

Here’s our favorite Atlanta restaurant and their fish tacos:

We went to church on Sunday. It is hard to let go of our church and the idea of our kids growing up in the children’s ministry there. Jadon liked getting his picture under the taxi tower.

Then, there was the beautiful drive we used to take every day to our old house.

sigh. We miss the city and the people so much.

Finally, there was the drive home, ALL NIGHT Sunday night. Overall we spent around 40 hours in the car with a 9 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. . . . . . . . . the kids did A M A Z I N G L Y well!!! Here’s a picture of them at 5:30am on Monday morning when were were about 2 hours from Kansas City. Can you believe it? (mom and dad weren’t doing as well)

To close it all out. I’ll show you a picture that sums up how Eliza feels out her trip to the area of the country that is a big part of her family, but she never really lived in.

I think her words were, “Wha, what?! When yo’ taking me back to The ATL, my parentals? I already miss my peeps!”

Yeah, laugh at me all you want. Her words, not mine.

Yesterday was Jadon’s second homecoming day and we had a FABULOUS time!!! It was so much fun because he is starting to understand and get excited about stuff like this. He FULLY understood that the day was all about him, and by the end of the day it was starting to show in his attitude. Never-the-less we enjoyed telling him every moment we could how thankful we were that he is in our lives and how incredibly special he is to us.

We started the day off at IHOP with a BIG waffle loaded with whipped cream and strawberries. (he chose to wear his favorite “Thomeehs” shirt)

Then we went to Home Depot, which has become our Saturday morning tradition, to do their kids construction project. (many Home Depots do this for free on Saturday mornings) We didn’t have anything to shop for this week but Jadon still wanted to ride in the big orange race car. Since we couldn’t say “no” to him on his special day, we took a lap around the store but still didn’t buy anything! Go us!

Then, we went MINI GOLFING!!! Jadon  L O V E S  anything sports related. He’ll hit ANY ball around the house with ANY kind of stick-like thing. The first time he saw golf on TV we are sure he was thinking, “Hey, I invented that!” When we told him he was going to go PLAY GOLF for his special day he couldn’t stop SCREAMING about it! He was SO CUTE and had a BLAST!!!

Here he is stuck in the sand trap.

(Notice the backwards crocs. It’s a battle I don’t fight. I’m just thankful he can put them on himself.)

Eliza tried to play. Or. . . she tried to suck on the handle of the putter. Either one.

Jadon was a little disappointed we were leaving, so he wasn’t interested in cooperating with the family picture. We should know by now to take the picture before it’s time to go.

During nap time I finished the “Tres Leche Cake”. YUM YUM!!! It’s a Central/South American cake that is filled with 3 kinds of milk and “iced” with sugared whip cream. WHOA!

We went to a wonderful Guatemalan Restaurant for dinner that is only a couple miles from our house! Jenni and her new boyfriend, Brant came up from Wichita to celebrate with us! We shared our cake with the restaurant staff, so I hope I made it right.

Jadon opened his 2nd, out of 18 gifts we bought him in Guatemala for this special day. This year it was a “chicken bus” which couldn’t be more perfect for what he is interested in (besides sports), “vroom vroom!” We also got to tell him that he rode in a “chicken bus” like this one with Rosalyn to come be with us!

We ended the day with a successful family picture!

We love you Jadon!

2 years ago yesterday JADON was given to us for FOREVER! It is an amazing, mind blowing day.

But, at the same time, it was a rough, heartbreaking day. 2 years ago, he also left the arms of his foster mother, Rosalyn, who had cared for him since birth. I knew it was heartbreaking and tragic at the time when he watched her walk out the door with unbelievable strength and when he cried 3 hours in mourning. This year my heart is again sad for Rosalyn and Jadon, but in a deeper way this year.

This year, I have a 6 month old biological daughter who’s been in my arms since birth. She is only 2 weeks younger than Jadon was when his family changed for the 2nd time in his small life. My daughter knows us, wants us, needs us. We are all her heart has ever known. I realize in a new way this year, how my son’s heart was broken 2 years ago. I realize in a new way the heartbreak of a mother who left the child she had bonded to for 6 months.

Adoption IS beautiful, wonderful, glorious, magnificent and special. But it is also tough, heart-wrenching, hard, difficult and traumatizing.

Please pray with me that we can reconnect with Rosalyn. We had email contact with her at first, but have not heard from her since Jadon’s first birthday, when she mailed Jadon a sweet love letter. I want to be able to tell her and show her how INCREDIBLE this little man is!

Please also pray for Jadon’s heart. While I believe he has healed as much as possible in the past 2 years, he has a lifetime of healing to do. Last night we read a book about Guatemala. He’s gained an interest in the word whenever we talk about his first country.  He also smiles when he says “Guatemayah!” in a way that I know his heart is making a connection. When we were praying just before he went to sleep I asked him if he wanted to pray for Rosalyn, who is one of his mamas in Guatemala. The look in his eyes brings tears to mine today. It was a look of complete confusion. I didn’t really expect it at this age, but he definitely knows I am his mama and for me to connect the word to someone else was baffling to him. I caught a glimpse of how difficult the road is before us. To explain to a child the realities and beauties of his adoption is a huge job. A job that I am honored to have but one I do not take lightly.

For those of you that are concerned that I am looking at this “negatively,” I promise the next few days will be FULL of JOY!!! Many families choose to make a celebration of the day their adopted child was put in their arms. Since that day was so difficult for us, we choose to celebrate the day we traveled as a family to the United States together. That day for us is the 22nd of August. All throughout this week we are talking about and celebrating Guatemala, then on Saturday we are going to have a BIG Guatemalan Fiesta! So, stay tuned and I’ll share the celebration with you!

I apologize my blog has been so drab lately! We moved our pictures to an external hard drive which has not been connected since the move. If you stick with me, our blog will once return to the glory days of full color pictures, and maybe I’ll even learn how to download video!!!!

Thanks for walking with us.

Last weekend we went to this great small town celebration. They had a parade, jumper zone, funnel cakes, live music, firetrucks, horses, FIreWorKs, etc, etc, etc. . . it was wonderful! We had a great time!

This weekend we are going to our new town’s 4th of July celebration, then to my parents for a BBQ, tot swimming and FirEwOrkS!!!

When we were waiting to start our family, this holiday was one of the toughest. Last weekend, as I sat in a lawnchair with Eliza sleeping in her carrier on my belly, I teared up as I watched Jadon cuddled up with Josh on our blanket, amazed at the firework display.

There’s just something about kids covered in facepaint and flag tatoos, swinging light sticks, exhausted from playing out doors, wideeyed while they wait for it to get dark, smelling fireworks beginning in the air that makes it one of my favorite days of the year!

I LOVE this holiday!!!

Some thoughts on today.

• Until I was 26, I took Mother’s Day for granted. I had mother’s and grandmothers who I loved and would send cards to in the beginning May. I planned on becoming a mother myself, when I felt like it.
• For several years Mother’s day was a painful day for me. I wanted to be a mother and was not. I realized how incredibly full of hurt the day is for many, many women.
  
• Two years ago we were in Guatemala. It was the day before we met Jadon. I’ll remember it as one of the most amazing days of my life. I began to connect in person to the country and the women, Jadon’s birth mother and foster mother, who gave motherhood to me. How can I ever grasp all they have done for Jadon and me, Josh and Eliza? I wonder how this day is for them.
  
• Last year I was a few days pregnant with Eliza. I had completely put out of my mind that there could ever be a possibility of experiencing pregnancy or a biological child. After 3 years of gut wrenching honesty and tears, I was truly at peace with it. I would find out a few weeks later I would have a second child that was Caucasian , surprisingly created when we were not expecting it. It has taken me a year to believe she’s here and staying.
  
• I will always have a heart for those who today is painful for. There are many women who have lost mothers, grandmothers and children. There are many women who are facing the fact that they may never be mothers but desire it in the deepest parts of their being. I hurt and pray for them.
  
• Today, I was able to celebrate with BOTH of my grandmothers, my wonderful mother (who is an excellent grandmother herself) and my two incredible, amazing, special children who God brought into my life in two unique ways.
• Today, I am thankful.

Guatemala 2007

Holding Jadon the first time

Wonderful, Anticipated Jadon

Sweet Surprise Eliza

Jadon and Grandma today

Eliza and Great Grandma M

Eliza and Great Grandma J

I couldn’t have dreamed this up!

One last thought on being a mother.

• When trying to finish a blog post, you shouldn’t also try to get your daughter ready for a bath. If you hold her naked after just waking her up so you can finish downloading pictures, the probability you will become covered in pee pee is just too high. Oops, sorry, I have a lot of readers from the south. I am covered in Tee Tee (said in a deep southern accent).

I will now finish my Mother’s Day by taking a shower.

I just had to share this picture because I love it!!!!!!!!

This is a long post. So I’ve put in a couple pictures to liven it up. There’s a reward at the bottom for those of you who make it there.

Here’s a pic to start you off. If you don’t know already, “Jadon Rocks!” It’s gone to his head. He walks around sometimes saying, “I rock!”

Thank you so much for everyone who has sent a caring message in the past few days. I am going to try to attempt to explain a little more.

Hallmark announced Tuesday that they will be laying off 6-8% of it’s workers. It was a surprise in the way that Hallmark takes laying off it’s employees very seriously, but not a surprise because of the way the economy is going. They may have already started to lay people off, but we won’t know for sure who is laid off until several weeks, maybe even months have passed.

When we were leaving Atlanta and Josh’s job at Lockheed Martin, I said a couple times that it felt a little crazy that we were leaving a job with solid government contracts for airplanes to work for a retail company that relies on Americans’ holiday spending. But, we decided it was worth it to move closer to family and get Josh into a job that was fulfilling, challenging and exciting to him. We have not regretted the decision. It is incredibly wonderful to be near family and Josh has found his job to be every thing and more than what he dreamed it would be.

When we left Atlanta in October we left with only what we could fit into our pretty small Honda CRV. Our home was left with all of it’s furnishings and most of our comforts with the hope that it would sell better. In October and November the economy made it’s sharpest declines and it became increasingly obvious that we were going to have to take an extreme loss on our home in order to sell it. We said several times in those months that if it wasn’t for Josh’s love of his job, we would move back to Atlanta in a heartbeat. We got a contract, but we did loose a significant amount of money on our sale in December. Side note, we absolutely loved our home. If we had stayed in Atlanta we would have been happy in it for many, many years. But instead we were living in my parents basement and were looking forward to getting our furnishings from our home before our baby was born. At that time our brother-in-law began working on my sister’s unfinished basement in order for us to move into it.

In December, we closed on our home with a loan we had to take out because of our transfer. We moved our stuff to two places. Half went to my parents’ basement and the other half to my sister’s where we’ve been living ever since (see previous post). Our plan was to allow our finances to recover somewhat for 6 months, then move around Hallmark downtown to start our lives here. We’ve been planning on finding a church and a community to serve and live in this summer. We’ve been on two house hunting trips, researched schools, found doctors, applied to preschool programs all in the area we were planning to move.

So, on Tuesday it came as a blow (as I am sure it did to all Hallmark employees) that Josh may loose his job. We feel pretty unsecure because Josh is definitely the last 6-8% to be hired, which we are sure puts him at the top of the list of who to consider to lay off. There are reasons to be hopeful, but certainly reasons to be worried too.

On Wednesday I was pretty down. I think the first year after a move across country always is. When you move you loose all of your “normals” and nothing is comforting. The grocery store is different, the weather is surprising, you get lost all the time, everything is just different. Suddenly friends you only saw once a month or got go on walks with are the only people you want to see in moments of homesickness. When we heard of Hallmark’s layoffs, all I could think of was the home, friends, church and the beauty of Georgia that we left behind.

I do know that if we were still there, I would be incredibly sad that my family wouldn’t have been there for Eliza’s birth, I would miss dearly the deep talks I have with my sister after the kids go to bed, I would miss the way my son anticipates time with his grandparents and cousins he now knows.  But in either decision there are pluses and minuses, ups and downs, things to rejoice in and things to mourn.

Thank you for your prayers. In many, many ways our situation is not that bad. We are blessed with family, health, a roof over our heads, safety, many things that America has recently found we all take for granted. More than prayers that Josh would keep his job, I ask for prayers that we would continue to find contentment. Realizing peace in a situation we don’t want to be in while God being glorified in our hearts is actually the only thing we truly want. Knowing our God in moments of crisis is the only thing we actually need. The world could continue to fall apart, but as long as God continues to reveal himself to us, we will be fulfilled.

Josh would like to keep his job in order for his family to be provided for and in order to continue to do a job he has found that he absolutely LOVES. I would like him to keep his job so my husband continues to be fulfilled and challenged during the day and so that my family can have a space to live and thrive in.

If you are still reading this incredibly long post I thank you for loving us. Thank you for walking beside us by listening, commenting and praying. We are so thankful for everyone we’ve been blessed to live life with. We’ll keep you updated.

Here are the pictures I promised:

About 2 months ago we had our friends over for dinner. If you don’t remember them, check out the end of this post. We met Tony and Sarah in birthing class and discovered we both had sons, 3 months apart from Guatemala. The girls ended up being born 4 days apart (and the day we left the hospital they were randomly put in the same room that we were!) When we got the girls together outside of mine and Sarah’s stomachs, here’s what happened:

We placed our new cuties next to each other on the couch.

We snapped a decent picture.

Then, things quickly made a turn for the worst.

And in the time it took for me to snap 4 pictures while laughing at 2 poor 3 week olds, disaster struck.

Will they ever trust us again?

The month started with sledding at Grandma and Papa’s house. (I was reminded that I just had a just c-section, oops)

Jadon got a “big boy bed” and is doing very well on it. He may like it because of the “Cars” bedding we let him pick out. Whatever works, right?!

Cousin Morgan is in a bit of a ham stage, can you tell??

My friend Jenni ran a 4 mile race in KC for St. Patrick’s day. Jadon and I went to watch her. She did GREAT! GO JENNI!!

We finally talked Jadon into holding little sister. Just after we took this he said “All done” and tried to push her off with both hands. Yikes!! But really, he does great with her.

Cousin Alex and Aunt Julie (josh’s sister) came to visit from Colorado Springs on their spring break!! Sorry you had to sleep on the couch in our basement Julie. Next time, we hope to do better.

Where did J learn to cheese like that??

Jadon likes to take some lovin’ out on Sierra. I am not sure Sierra likes it as much as Jadon does. But it makes for a cute picture.

We had Easter egg decorating time with Ashlyn and Morgan up stairs while it sleeted outside. -Notice the eggs in the back ground- We decorated them in many ways (dye, stickers, markers, plastic wrapping), we read books about Easter, talked about what Easter means and colored Easter pictures. Fun times!

Then, we decorated Eliza with the eggs!!

Here are my adorable kids who wouldn’t look at the camera. I fall more in love with them every day!

Eliza at 7 weeks. Be still my heart! I can’t believe she’s old enough to look at the camera like this already! Ugh, I try not to get wrapped up in how short babies are babies and just enjoy it!

That was our month!

Now bring on April and please Kansas City, BRING ON SPRING!!!!

This is probably a normal mourning process when a new baby is about to enter your family. But yesterday’s post sent me into a mommy depression.

How did he go from this Jadon:

To this Jadon:

IN 9 MONTHS?!?!

I am just going start applying for college scholarships tonight. sniff, sniff.