WHAT!?!?!?!?
This is what someone said, who has known Josh and I for almost 6 years, when Josh told them we are pregnant!
The fear that people will think this of our family (and all the assumptions that go with it) were one of the first things that went through our minds when the pregnancy test turned positive.
1. This person does not know how much we love Jadon, or the love we already have for other children we will adopt.
2. They don’t understand what happens in someone’s heart when they are truly open to and desiring to adopt a child.
3. They have not experienced, so probably do not understand what it feels like when God puts the overwhelming love in your heart for a child. A child, any child, bio or not.
4. Does not know our heart. love. or dedication to our children.
As we have traveled through this pregnancy we have already done battle with many, MANY preconceptions/misconceptions of adoption and our family. We will have to fight these battles for the rest of our lives. It bothers us deeply that the assumption is made that couples adopt because what they really want is unavailable. These assumptions come with the thought that children who are adopted come into a family only when a couple has exhausted all other possibilities of having their “own” children. Many people get hung up on thinking children who are adopted have a second best title. NONE of these things are true with us. None of them.
If you don’t mind, while we are talking about this we’d like to share some positive adoption language:
Please don’t use the terms like “Natural”, “Real”, or “Own” to describe biological children. Please call them Biological. We didn’t know this either before we looked into adoption. But when we began learning, we discovered that when the previous terms are used it leaves a child who was adopted to be described with the opposite terms of “Un-Natural”, “Fake”, “Not our Own”. We know that these terms are used unintentionally a lot of times but please begin to think in these terms when describing children.
Also, now that we are having a biological child, we’d like to ask everyone not to make reference to the fact you’ve heard this always happens after you adopt. Again, we understand that these comments are made with good intentions, but the fact is that Jadon’s adoption has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of this baby girl. The reason these stories stand out is because they are exciting and we understand that. It does happen a lot but this is purely because of the number of cases. There are many parents who adopt that never experience a biological birth. It is not an encouraging thing to hear when someone is trying to get pregnant and it could have a negative effect on the life of a future child adopted. The reason this situation does happen is due either to time or something like in our case where Jessica was treated for something else and it impacted the fertility track. We wanted Jadon, independantly of our own fertility, so please know that we did not get pregnant because Jadon came home.
There is one good thing that comes with these misconceptions. We have to leave these battles up to God. He established our family at the beginning of time. He wrote the pages of our lives before we knew they existed. These are His battles, not ours.
Filed under: Adoption, Our Family
So beautifully said. There is no plan B and so we rest in Him who is the author and perfecter of our faith and watch Him beautifully create your family before our eyes.
I can’t believe someone said that to you, but then again, I can. People say such strange, hurtful things sometimes, especially when someone’s pregnant. I’m not sure why that is, but I know when it’s something you’re already really sensitive to it makes it that much worse. I hope you can shake it off though and focus on the positive – there is much reason to rejoice, huh?!
All I have to say about your pregnancy is GOD IS GOOD!!
He is obviously sending Jadon and soon to be sibling for a reason and each child you have will continue to be blessed to have you for parents! 
Hello,
I am a lurker and have enjoyed your blog for a long time. We have three biological children and adopted one child from Guatemala last year. We heard many of the same comments. In fact, we still do. Our children are young right now so the comments are not hurtful to them but they are to us and one day they may hurt them. We want to protect them from this type of pain and ignorance. Thank you for your wise, informative post.
Aside from that, congratulations on your pregnancy! God is very good and I know you must be excited to add your special blessing to your family. To me, pregnancy was wonderful and joyous and adopting was exciting, humbling and completely awe-inspiring! So many similar emotions!
Many blessings to you,
Susan
Hey Jess – I’m back online…in my own house again!
Thanks for this post. I agree with you that many times people say these things unintentionally; it is good to educate those around us. The last thing we want is for any one of our children to feel less special than another.
I feel blessed to have 2 bio and soon 2 adopted. God is good. Both experiences have been amazing and we adore all 3 of our children.
Hudson actually gets quite a lot of attention. Sometimes, I hope the girls don’t feel any less special because they are bio. I just want each one of my children to know that they are unique and special and that God has big plans for each one. I am one blessed mama!!
Love you! We need to talk and really catch up SOON!!!!
Beautifully written. I am so sorry that someone said this to you (and, someone you have known a long time, too!). Wow. Wow. Wow.
Hi Jessica and Josh,
Whoever said that to you obviously did not think
before talking. This new baby was sent to
Jadon as much as it was sent to you and Josh.
He will be a big brother and, for the rest of their lives,
they will have the great blessing of being siblings.
What people other than you and Josh say will
have very little meaning. Both children will know
your love for them. Both will grow up with a sense
of personal value you will instill in them.
Love,
Aunt
Carol
Hi Josh and Jessica,
I wanted to comment on your lovely posting! (We met at Lori’s adoption walk) I have come to realize that unless you actually go through an adoption that people do not understand it AT ALL. It is not to discredit people who think it is wonderful or who support you but it is an actual journey that only the persons involved can truly feel.
My husband and I are adopting from Kaz and this is our first child. We do not have any infertility issues but just felt that God lead us to this path for starting our family. I have encountered very hurtful things along the way and sometimes I just smile really big and just go on with my day. Some people are shallow, some are ignorant, and some just simply don’t know.
I am so sorry that you have been hurt. Sometimes I try to look at it as an educational opportunity. You never know who you may touch with your adoption story who may then decide to try it out themselves!
Jessica Crutchfield
I am so blessed to have an honest, wise, and God glorifying sister and brother-in-law… I know I’ve been educated walking through this with your family. I think it’s absolute truth to view the children God gives you as equally special- our culture once again- just it’s caught up with God’s holy love. We’re all a work in progress- thanks for not shying away from this subject… You both are such strong advocates, and I must say it’s contagious.
Jess-
I have not checked your blog is sooo long and look what a great surprise I came upon!
I am so excited for you, Josh and Jadon.
I’d better go back and read. Yeah!
Just catching up with your writing here, and just wanted to say how much I appreciate your words. Brought tears to my eyes to read this, a true reminder of how great our God is! Every child is from Him…how or when is TOTALLY up to God, and not something we as humans can do (although sometimes it looks as though it is our doing). I am SO thrilled for your family, and pray God would continue to bless you, and use you for His Glory.
~Karisse